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24 April I didn’t see, I didn’t even notice. The reason why I felt clogged all of the sudden are all but too apparent to me.
A dark cloud, pitch black, like a perfect black hole, surrounds my head. Darkening my complexion, opening up my head once more. The feeling cuts through marrow, and my chest, leaving a deep mark. My first cut, as I did that what I hated for all my life, now no longer I can be oblivious for it.
My tears, my tears, I like pearls of acid, falling on my legs, hurting with everything they stand for. Hurting for fuck sake what I have done. And how twisted my head must be, that I even see this as a moment to learn, a moment of revelation, of finally understanding why. I hope I never have to do this again. Someone should kick my ass, or at least my balls.
I have to Thank Miffi. (ad mare)
I disgust this past, of what even wisdom can put a man to, of Irony, of hatred, and of silly combining the two, with a lonesome past. With a stupid moment of understanding. For not having to say sorry, to anyone except the one I Thanked. But the only justification I can address is my own ignorance, as was told to me, so much earlier before. Ignorance is NO bliss, not for me. Even if I attempted this once. How wrong all the women are, for saying they will turn my head crazy, and the one, that doesn’t tell me, makes me do things who are not even addressable to craziness. I am so sorry.
And no water cleans my hands in innocence. No past blames, or future condemns will ever heal me here. I am truly Librio, I am Good, but Evil just as well, and to an extend both will exceed anyone’s imagination.
Thank thee, thank thou calmth, thank thou charm, thank though past. Thank though existence.
As a fist grabs my sword, which can do horrible things, but now, can only do good really.
As my dreams, chop off ones head doing these things. But I cannot cut myself. My arms are too short. My fists can’t do good today…
They can only hit, the lack of understanding, that now lies, in the distant past.
To Miffi.
I didn’t see, I didn’t even notice. The reason why I felt clogged all of the sudden are all but too apparent to me.
A dark cloud, pitch black, like a perfect black hole, surrounds my head. Darkening my complexion, opening up my head once more. The feeling cuts through marrow, and my chest, leaving a deep mark. My first cut, as I did that what I hated for all my life, now no longer I can be oblivious for it.
My tears, my tears, I like pearls of acid, falling on my legs, hurting with everything they stand for. Hurting for fuck sake what I have done. And how twisted my head must be, that I even see this as a moment to learn, a moment of revelation, of finally understanding why. I hope I never have to do this again. Someone should kick my ass, or at least my balls.
I have to Thank Miffi. (ad mare)
I disgust this past, of what even wisdom can put a man to, of Irony, of hatred, and of silly combining the two, with a lonesome past. With a stupid moment of understanding. For not having to say sorry, to anyone except the one I Thanked. But the only justification I can address is my own ignorance, as was told to me, so much earlier before. Ignorance is NO bliss, not for me. Even if I attempted this once. How wrong all the women are, for saying they will turn my head crazy, and the one, that doesn’t tell me, makes me do things who are not even addressable to craziness. I am so sorry.
And no water cleans my hands in innocence. No past blames, or future condemns will ever heal me here. I am truly Librio, I am Good, but Evil just as well, and to an extend both will exceed anyone’s imagination.
Thank thee, thank thou calmth, thank thou charm, thank though past. Thank though existence.
As a fist grabs my sword, which can do horrible things, but now, can only do good really.
As my dreams, chop off ones head doing these things. But I cannot cut myself. My arms are too short. My fists can’t do good today…
They can only hit, the lack of understanding, that now lies, in the distant past.
To Miffi.
10 April Keep a secret
How hard is that?
Or to understand the nescessity off?
Seriously a question to the folks out there:
If something is to be a secret, does that imply that there shouldn't be any notion of it on the web whatsoever?
Or can you still talk about it, when you know for sure, only a select few group that don't know who the secret conceirns, will ever read it?
Share your opinion
09 April Aptly
Not Aptly
To me
Robbie Williams - Feel
Come and hold my hand
I wanna contact the living
Not sure I understand
This role I've been given
I sit and talk to God
And he just laughs at my plans
My head speaks a language
I don't understand
I just want to feel real love
Feel the home that I live in
'Cause I got too much life
Running through my veins
Going to waste
I don't want to die
But I ain't keen on living either
Before I fall in love
I'm preparing to leave her
I scare myself to death
That's why I keep on running
Before I've arrived
I can see myself coming
I just want to feel real love
Feel the home that I live in
'Cause I got too much life
Running through my veins
Going to waste
And I need to feel real love
And a life ever after
I cannot give it up
I just want to feel real love
Feel the home that I live in
I got too much love
Running through my veins
To go to waste
I just wanna feel real love
In a life ever after
There's a hole in my soul
You can see it in my face
It's a real big place
Come and hold my hand
I want to contact the living
Not sure I understand
This role I've been given
Not sure I understand
Not sure I understand
Not sure I understand
Not sure I understand 06 April
And it sounds so depressed, and negative when I say it, but it isn't really.
People jsut assume of what I am, or people believe what I tell them to believe. Even my own mind. I have seriously conducted sort of experiments on me, in where I caught myself, how easily even my own mind can be fooled. Or how subjective about 99 percent of my emotions are.
Which makes me faintly aware, that some buddhists don't need emotions. And hell, if they are fiction anyway, why should I?
Why would I need pain, why would I need happiness, why would I need jealousy, why would I need envy, why do I need pureity, why would I need love?
Seriously, there is no use, if you can enduce them whenever you want to.
And I know, most of my readers will not agree with me, and many will not even want to think about it. But I am not saying these emotions can be great, I am just saying, they became a bit obsolete. Or is it because i was dumped again? No it isn't, but it does make me realise.
Which renders me with another weird thought:
Why do I even live? What is the Use, of me living?
And if it were just for me, there isn't any reason for me to live, their just isn't. And I am not speaking from a depressed mind. But from a reasonable, logic brain.
But I am not comitting suicide or anything, that hasn't got any use either.
Because I have use for others. Because many people don't accept or understand the bold letters in this piece. They don't believe it, and yes, their life isn't mine. But I am speaking out of a lives experience, that should mean something.
But it doesn't really to me. And because nothing really matters, I can do whatever I want to, whatever freedom requires.
Cause, why would love matter, if not even one percent of the humans knows what it is?
Why should hate matter, if not even one percent of the humans knows how to put it aplty to use? Why should dispaer matter, if not even one percent of the humans can remain calm while doing so. Why should happiness matter, if not even one percent of the humans know it doesn't come alone?
And, yes this is bold, this is angry, this is fictional. But I am right, just believe it for a change. Stop fucking around, I can't give you arguments, if you are afraid to find out even one thing I claimed here in these few pieces. I though about this long enough. I have persisted, and been hurt well enough. And I have even been loved enough. That makes me a better man.
Because I choose life.
And it is a choice which I am fully aware of what it implies, and what difficulties lie ahead. It is a choice, I have because I understand the question, and I know, not even one percent of the people here know the meaning of the question..
I choose life, and my reasons are right, for I am right to state them the way they are.
And fuck it, I know I said you can never be right, and perhaps I am not, but now, nobody has given me, or is about to give any good argument to claim otherwise. This is logically acceptable. And just believe it, I am mentally insane, because my comprehension IQ, is of the scale, meaning over 200. And you didn't know that did you? you could have guessed by checking ISI-S!
For now, goodnight. leave my words to contemplate. Form a religion for all I care, because I have the faint idea, nobody else will take the effort and time I did to find these things out. things that really took, more then half of my life.
Regards, Frederik
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